Reflecting on My Life as a Twin Mom

Last Saturday, my sons’ high school held their annual Mother’s Day Brunch. It was a beautiful event where we welcomed incoming freshman moms and said good-bye to outgoing moms of the senior class. The boys of the school took an active role in the affair as well. The drumline club greeted us with their rhythmic rapping as we walked into the center courtyard all decked out with colorful flowers and perfectly set tables shaded with umbrellas. The boys from the National Honors Society served us lunch as students from the drama department performed a few songs from their spring musical. Six seniors, chosen for their outstanding achievements, spoke on various aspects of school life from academics and sports to spirituality and service. (It’s an all-boy Catholic school in case you were wondering why girls aren’t mentioned.) It was all so perfectly orchestrated, filling us all with awe and thankfulness that we’ve sacrificed to send our kids here. But the highlight of the morning was when senior moms opened letters written by their sons. (Cue the sappy music.) Within minutes, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Moms, mentors and guardians quietly reached for tissues dabbing the corners of their eyes as the boys walked around the courtyard handing out long-stem roses to them. You’d have to be made of stone not to be moved by it all.hand holding pink flower

It was hard to keep my composure as I sat at my table taking it all in. Then a mom leaned in close and whispered, “Next year, you’ll be getting two letters.” It’s a thought that has been on my mind a lot lately. Sure, my sons are only juniors this year but I know that a letter from each—along with the end of their childhood—is coming soon. I’ve already joked with my boys that those letters better be written well. I wag my finger at them and say, “I don’t want the one paragraph ‘you’re the best mom’ kind of crap.” They smile. “From the heart!” I tease them, “you’d better write it from the heart!” But secretly I know any words—any hint of sentimentality—that they put to paper directed at me will turn me to mush as I’m simply not ready for them to grow up and leave the nest. Next year my heart will be broken not once but twice. (For the record, I’m tearing up now as I write this! Where are my tissues?)

Every day as I peruse the twin message boards on the Internet, I always smile at the posts from exhausted moms of newborn twins and the stressed-out moms of toddler twins. “Will it ever end?” they write. “Please tell me it gets easier,” they ask. I remember those days very well. I remember night after night stumbling my way to the nursery at 2 a.m. to tandem nurse my twins. It seemed endless. But then one day—poof—it was over and they were suddenly sitting at the table eating like big boys. And then came those crazy toddler years! They never stopped moving. They never stopped arguing over toys. As a stay-at-home mom, I often found it isolating and lonely. When it was particularly stressful, I found myself wishing away the day. But then one day—poof—it was over and suddenly they were in school. And now here I am, my 18-year lease on my twins about to expire.

Where did the time go? It’s difficult for any mom to say good-bye to her children as they leave home. If you’ve done your job correctly, it’s what’s supposed to happen. But when you’re the mom to twins, it’s doubly difficult.

So here’s my Mother’s Day message to all moms of young twins: embrace your chaos. Try to find a way to look for the funny in the ensuing insanity. I know it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it’s coming. And too soon for this mom.

Photo of Double Duty

13 thoughts on “Reflecting on My Life as a Twin Mom

  1. ellen

    I am tearing up too! My twin sons graduate from 8th grade in a few weeks and I know I will be a mess! And that is just 8th grade!

    Reply
    1. Christina Baglivi Tinglof Post author

      Yup. It’s rough. Never thought I’d start crying a year in advance!!

      Reply
  2. Lisa

    Thank you for this message! I am a new mom to boy/girl twins born three and a half weeks ago. I can now take a breath and go into my 2am feeding feeling a little better after your inspiring message!

    Reply
  3. Martine fletcher

    Your end paragraph is so so true:-) ( as a mum with two sets of twins, 4yr olds and 1yr olds), is certainly gives perspective:-)

    Reply
  4. Maridelle Hannah

    My twins are in the middle of potty training and there have been many days I wish away. Thank you for this post. Perfect timing.

    Reply
    1. Christina Baglivi Tinglof Post author

      Hang in there. It will happen…as I haven’t met a kindergartner who doesn’t know how to use the toilet! Happy Mother’s Day!

      Reply
  5. Julie

    I’m the proud mom of 4 year old next week b/g twins.. And the light is finally shining!!!… Most of the time… :-). Man, that was hard… But now, they can dress themselves (mostly), they are a bit more reasonable, they understand safety rules, etc… It’s not as hair raising… And I now want the growing up part to slow down! What a ride! Thanks for the great twin articles.

    Reply
  6. Sophia

    Thanks for making me cry :( such a great message. Find the funny in the insanity and embrace the chaos thanks ill never forget that I have BG twins

    Reply
  7. Mandie Lee

    Thank you for the encouragement. I have girl twins that are 2 months away from being 2 yrs old. A part of me is dreading the next 2 yrs since they already argue over toys and have temper tantrums. Good to hear that other moms have made it through with sanity still intact.

    Reply
  8. Joe

    I love your tip to embrace the chaos and look for the funny things in life. We’ve found it useful to write down those funny moments so we don’t forget them. We’ll compile them for each of the kids at the end of the year and put them in a book. The children love to hear the funny things they did in years past.

    Reply
    1. Christina Baglivi Tinglof Post author

      I love that idea. We do something similar–each year I “interview” each child on his birthday. I’ll ask the same questions year after year. What do you want to be when you grow up? What’s your favorite subject in school? And so forth. It’s great to see how much they change.

      Reply

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