In other words, babies learn language by reading lips! Speech development isn’t just audio, but it’s video, too!

Photo courtesy of phanlop88 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Furthermore, the researchers found that it doesn’t take babies very long to master this skill as their gaze once again returns to Mom and Dad’s eyes around age one, just about the time that most form their first words.

So what can parents of twins, triplets and higher-order multiples learn from this new research? Quality face time is vitally important in speech and language development.

Twins and higher-order multiples are more susceptible to language delays. At 30 months old, for instance, many male twins are approximately eight months behind their singleton counterparts in expressive language. (Female twins fare a bit better.) Multiples have a tougher time in general articulating words often leaving off the first or last consonant and often speak in less complex sentences. Unfortunately, delayed speech can have a huge impact on future learning as language acquisition is strongly tied to success in reading, writing, and even spelling.

No one knows for sure why twins have a higher incidence of speech delay but we do have a few theories. For instance, since many twins instinctively understand each other’s gestures and even grunts, they have less incentive to learn to speak. There’s simply not a need. Furthermore, parents of multiples often feel overwhelmed and rushed or often can’t devote enough one-on-one time with each twin or triplet. They may speak in directives (“Come here,” or “Hungry?”) rather than full sentences (“John, please come over here to Mom,” or “Would like something to eat?).

So how can you help to make sure your twins are on the path to proper speech development?

• Use the little one-on-one time you do have with each multiple every day to your advantage. While changing diapers, for instance, face your baby and narrate what you’re doing. Remember, according to this research, language is part audio and video. They need to hear your words and see your mouth.
• Give eye contact to the child that’s speaking and allow each child the chance to ask for what they need separately rather than having one twin act as the “spokesperson” for the pair. Never allow one twin to speak for the other.
• Singing and reading aloud are not only fun but enormously helpful in learning speech.
• Gently correct syntax errors by repeating your child’s sentence using the proper words. (“Oh, you said you’d like to go outside to play?”)
• Surround your children with a large social network of family and friends of all ages. The more interaction they have with others, the better. Consider enrolling them in preschool, too.
• Don’t rely on TV as a substitute as it’s not nearly as effective as Mom or Dad’s attention.

* * *

If you’d like more information on your twins upcoming school years, check out my book, Parenting School-Age Twins and Multiples. Or, visit the School-Age Twins page on my website Talk About Twins.

Week Two:

You may be pregnant with twins but you sure don’t know it, at least not yet. You see, Week Two is usually the point that conception occurs. It may seem counterintuitive or a little confusing to get a two-week head start (shouldn’t conception be Week Zero??) but most health-care professional calculate due date based on the date of your last period since the day you conceived is nearly impossible to nail down. The optimal time for fertilization is during ovulation, usually halfway through your menstrual cycle, approximately two weeks after your last period. So that’s why we begin this series–and you begin your twin pregnancy–with Week Two.

So will your twins be fraternal or identical? Still, too soon to tell. If your ovaries discharged two eggs and both were fertilized by two different sperm, then your twins will be fraternal, or dizygotic (DZ). Two boys, two girls, or boy-girl, the chances are high that your twins will be ”siblings born on the same day” as nearly two-thirds of all twins are in fact fraternal. Just like any other siblings, your fraternal twins will share 50 percent of their DNA, at most. Yet sharing a womb, a birthday, and many developmental milestones can create a very strong bond indeed.

It’s a little different story with identical twins or monozygotic (MZ). They occur when a single egg is fertilized by a single sperm. Then something a bit magical happens–within the first week following fertilization (and sometimes even up to 12 days later), this single cell group divides into two identical blastocysts before implanting on the uterine wall. So for a very brief time identical twins are one–they actually begin life as a single entity! Isn’t that cool?

But that’s only half the story with identical twins. Depending on when the cells divide will predict the type of identical twins they will become, the sooner the division happens, the more autonomous the embryos will be. Generally speaking, the more independent the embryos, the fewer complications further along in your twin pregnancy. For instance, if the cells split within the first three days of fertilization, it will be a diamniotic-dichorionic pregnancy, with each baby having his own chorion, placenta, and amniotic sac. If, however, the blastocyst splits between Days 3 and 9, each baby will have his own sac (diamniotic) but share one placenta (monochorionic).

Are you still with me?

But if the cells split between Days 9 through 12, we get into chopper waters as the babies will be monochorionic and monoamniotic with just one sac and one placenta, putting them at risk for twin-to-twin-transfusion syndrome. (Now don’t panic on me just yet as fewer than 15 percent of mono-mono pregnancies results in TTTS.) And finally (yes, there’s more), if the mass splits after Day 12, conjoined twins is the result.

No one knows why the cells split when they do. It’s a pure mystery of life.

Whew! That was a lot of ground to cover but now you’re up to speed on the many types of twins. And you just thought it was as simple as fraternal and identical, didn’t you?

If you’d like more information on your twin pregnancy, check out my book, Double Duty: The Parents’ Guide to Raising Twins, From Pregnancy Through the School Years, now in its second edition. Or, visit the Twin Pregnancy page on my website Talk About Twins.

When I found out I was pregnant with twins I was working at a travel magazine. The commute was long and the pay was low but I loved my job. It was creative and fulfilling. After I gave birth, I took a long maternity leave but when I finally returned to work when my boys were four months old, I didn’t last long. The pull to be home with my babies was just too strong. Luckily, my husband had just started a new job with a decent paycheck so we could swing the change financially.

So I quit my job and the next day I officially became a full-time mom. I was truly home alone. All day. With two infant twins.

I didn’t take long for me to realize that my Ozzie and Harriet dream didn’t match the reality. Don’t misunderstand–I loved being with my boys and watching them grow but there were many days where I was lonely. Very lonely. I’m missed the day-to-day interaction with other adults. I missed the creativity that working outside the home offered. Further complicating the issue were the demands of two babies. Learning to nurse, bathe and put two down for a nap at the same time–by myself, no less–took practice and patience. None of my other girlfriends were around for moral support and companionship as they were all working full-time. Ditto for extended family. Even my neighborhood was a vast ghost town from nine to five. (I remember once when I lost power in my home, I walked outside to see if it was widespread. As I stood in the street and looked from house to house, I realized that I’d never get my answer as no one else was around. It was a sobering moment.)

And there in lies the difference between my mother’s generation and mine. My mom had a huge social network of friends all with children around the same age. They frequently met at the local pool in summer or New York City in the winter where they’d take advantage of free cultural events. Even my mother-in-law talks about her thriving Southern California suburban neighborhood back in the mid-1960s when most women stayed home with their kids and the streets were always abuzz with activity. The neighborhood ladies got together often, corralling the kids in playpens or the backyard, and held pot-luck lunches and even played a few hands of cards. There was never time to feel melancholy–if you felt lonely or blue, you headed next door for a cup of coffee and some fellowship.

But unlike my mom and my mother-in-law, I had a career prior to becoming a mom so I knew what I was missing. For me–a very social person–I knew that if I didn’t get out of the house on a regular basis with my twins (and without), I would begin to feel trapped. So I got out. Often. I never shied away from taking my kids anywhere when they were young. From the supermarket to kid-friendly museums, we were constantly on the go from the time they were six weeks old. I also had a schedule of regular outings so I’d always have something to look forward to–Monday was errand day (in the supermarket, I employed the “two shopping cart” technique where I’d pull one and push the other), Tuesday was play group, Wednesday was library story time (I shopped around until I found the cream of the crop complete with craft and snack), with the help of a local college student who baby-sat a few hours every week, Thursday was “me time,” and Friday was excursion day (museums, picnic lunches with dad at a local park near his office, and even a last-minute dash out to the desert to see the Space Shuttle land). It was all these activities that kept me sane and focused on raising (and loving) my boys.

So if you’re pregnant with twins and thinking about staying home full-time should you change course and head back to the office? Absolutely not. The benefits to your kids are too great. Instead, try adjusting your expectations and be proactive in crafting your destiny. To help you get started, follow these tips.

• Build a network of support. Join a play group or Mother’s of Twins Club. Even before your babies are born, check out the options in your neighborhood and make an effort to connect with other moms. Interacting with others in the same stage of life as yourself is enormously beneficial to your overall mental well-being.
• Use social networking to reach out to other parents. Join Facebook, Google+ or blog. Hit the twin message boards at TWINS Magazine and Twiniversity.
• Find your passion. For you it may be singing, music or art. For me, it was writing. And fortunately, when my boys were about six months old, a publisher contacted me looking for a writer to pen a book about twins. (I was lucky. In those days, with the twin explosion just about underway, publishers were scrambling to get books written on the subject, and the creative process involved in writing Double Duty was extremely fulfilling.)
• Find a part-time baby-sitter, mother’s helper, family friend or relative who can come over on a regular basis so that you can get out of the house.
• Invest in a double baby jogger and take your twins out for a daily stroll. Exercising on a regular basis will not only help get rid of your postpartum belly but it also stimulates chemical changes in your brain to help improve your mood!
• Find a part-time job. According to the report, women who work part-time had the best of both worlds–they reported fewer symptoms of depression during their children’s infancy and preschool years than moms who didn’t work outside the home. Furthermore, part-timers reported less conflict between work and family than mothers who work full-time as the former were more free to engage in their children’s school life.
• Never say never. Develop a can-do attitude and you can tackle the world…with your twins right by your side!

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For more articles on twin pregnancy, visit the Twin Pregnancy page on my website, Talk About Twins.com 

Ugh! The decisions we have to make as parents of twins!

Personally, I avoided this sticky situation for the first year of my twins’ lives as we didn’t buy them any Christmas presents at all! Sure, I bought the baby ornaments proclaiming their first holiday but I figured it was the one time I could get away with being a Grinch. And I was right. They never knew what they were missing. Besides they were more interested in getting their hands on my glittering table-top tree or playing with the wrappings of the few gifts my husband and I had for each other.

By the time they hit their second Christmas, however, they were nearly two years old and had figured out that something special was going on. No more Grinch; I had to pony up. But being the über aware mom of twins, I felt I had to buy separate toys. After all, they were two separate kids, right?

Problem was they weren’t even two years old yet. That meant not a lot of time had passed for either one to develop individual interests or skills. It’s not like one was a budding artist while the other was hanging out on the basketball court after nap time. They were both developing at the same pace and still found banging a frying pan with a wooden spoon wildly entertaining.

That year I eased into the separate gift giving strategy and bought them group gifts such as a large set of building blocks as well as individual gifts that were in the same genre but slightly different, like two, contrasting riding toys. It worked well. There were enough blocks so that sharing was painless and tantrum-free, and the slightly different riding toys made me feel as though I had done my job as a mom who was in tune to her twins’ individuation.

By the time my twins reached elementary school, we were in the thick of individuation and both of their Christmas lists were vastly different; one was into magic tricks and science, the other into joke books and making his own movies. Although I was happy to buy each boy his favorites, now I felt compelled–as nearly all parents do–to keep the gift count the same. On the other hand, I was never big into keeping the cost of said gifts exactly the same–if one wanted a $100 camera as his “big gift” while the other asked for a $50 watch, so be it.

The early school years were also the time that I regularly reminded friends and relatives that it was preferable to give each boy his own gift. Sharing one basketball from Aunt Jane wouldn’t cut it. Yet some relatives never seemed comfortable with buying each boy a completely different toy (perhaps they felt their individual gift choices would show favoritism?) so they resorted to the same-genre-different-style or same-toy-different-color approach.

Now that my twins are in high school, it seems we’ve come full circle as they’re back to craving the same gadgets–think iPods, cellphones, laptops. At least with gaming consoles I can once again get away with buying just one and having them share. With two controllers it’s once again painless and tantrum-free.

Bingo.

Yet as I peruse my favorite twin blogs and online parenting forums, I’m finding that I’m in the minority. There seems to be plenty of moms (and dads, too) out there who are just about fed up with the question, “Are they twins?” Some get downright peeved and come up with a less-than polite response. (“No. Who’s your eye doctor?”)

But I have another question: Why does it bother them?

I ask because I’m a bit confused. To me, if parents dress their little cherubs exactly alike and take a stroll out in public, aren’t they asking for public attention? It’s like a billboard advertising their twinship, inviting the public at large to marvel at them. And who wouldn’t want to stop and ogle two babies in at once? Sorry, but you can’t have it both ways, dressing them alike to promote their twinship and then get annoyed when someone calls you on it. Yes, the question does get a tad annoying at times especially if one or both your babies are crying or you’re in a rush to get home in time for their afternoon nap. But should you really allow someone’s genuine interest and fascination in you and your twins ruin your day? Sour your mood? Turn you into a Grinch? (Please say no.)

For years, when I was out in public and I’d see a parent with twins, I’d always stop and chat. And, yes, my first question was always, “Are they twins?” From my point of view, the question was (and still is) merely an ice breaker. It’s a conversation starter. A rhetorical question, yes, but a way to say “hello.” But now when I see a mom in the supermarket and she clearly has multiples in her care, I never ask her if they’re twins as I don’t want to annoy her. I know better. So I just keep on walking by.

Pity.

As most people are just trying to be polite and engage in neighborly conversation, couldn’t you spare a minute and do the same? Yet if you still find that you just can’t take that question one more time, there are plenty of ways to throw people off the scent.

• Dress your twins differently when you go out in public. Always.
• Avoid eye contact, pretend you’re hard of hearing, or just smile and walk away.
• If someone asks, “Are they twins?” Simply answer, “yes,” and keep moving.
• If you can, bring someone else along and use two single strollers instead of one double stroller.
• Don’t dawdle, saunter, loiter. Get in, get out.

This week, however, I spotted a search phrase that struck a cord. “Is it OK to invite only one twin?”

Short answer? Yes. Please do.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard this question from (I presume) a parent without twins. A few years back, for instance, a friend who is the mother of two singletons, called me for a bit of advice. It seemed her young, fourth-grade son was friendly with a twin at school and wanted to invite him over for a play date but my friend was hesitant because, she explained, the twins do everything together. She felt uncomfortable excluding one twin. But her son was only friendly with the one twin, not the other. In fact, he didn’t particularly care for the other twin. Yet despite my urging, my friend couldn’t bring herself to call the other mother and just invite the one twin. So her son never had his play date, and ultimately as the school year progressed, the friendship cooled as the relationship never had a chance to blossom and grow.

When I pressed my friend on her reluctance in inviting just the one twin, she couldn’t get past the fact that the twins were always together–in the classroom and on the playground, playing on the same sports team and belonging to the same clubs–and she didn’t think that they’d want to be separated. In short, she didn’t want to be viewed as the “bad guy,” the mom who tried to break up a twin pair before they were ready.

As the parents of multiples, we know that our twins often enjoy being together. After all, they’re not only twins but friends, too. Yet they also appreciate their time alone. It’s great that twins share so much but it’s equally important for each twin to venture out all on his own whether it’s to a summer camp or to a birthday party. But how do we convince parents with singletons that it’s fine to reach out to just one twin? We need to encourage them. And often.

When my twins were in second grade, for instance, a mom approached me after school. Although her son had invited only one of my twins to his birthday party, she wanted me to know that it was fine for my son to bring along his cotwin. I smiled and thanked her but told her that I’d prefer if he went alone. She looked puzzled. But when I explained that twins sometimes don’t get a chance to have experiences all on their own, and that I wanted my son to have a unique memory separate from his cotwin, it finally made sense to her.

Still, it’s also important for parents of multiples to reflect upon how they are presenting their twins, triplets or quads to the community around them. Are you sending a subtle message that your twins are a package and not two individuals? That’s not to say you should force your twins to play separately or attend different after-school activities. Twins are first and foremost friends, a wonderful sibling bond that will endure through good times and bad throughout the course of a lifetime. It’s precious and sacred. But twins will grow up and go their separate ways each having a family all his own. They need to learn the art of navigating life sans twin. And they should learn these valuable lessons at home from their parents.

So the next time a classmate shows an interest in just one of your twins, encourage the relationship. In fact, why not approach the mom and suggest that just the two children get together for a play date? She may just welcome the offer.

* * *

You can find other articles on older twins on the School-Age Twins page on my website, Talk About Twins.

A big smile slowly spread across my son’s face. There were no need for words as we both knew that I blew it. I broke the first commandment to parenting multiples–I compared my twins to one another.

It’s bad enough when the relatives do it. (“Susan’s a bit more social than Allison, isn’t she?”) It’s worse when total strangers in the shopping mall feel compelled to stop you to do the same. (“He seems like the bigger trouble maker than his twin! Am I right?”) But for Mom and Dad to compare their twins and right in front of them? Sacrilege!

As parents, it’s pretty natural for us to compare our children to one another. When you have kids of varying ages, it’s inevitable that you’ll take that walk down memory lane comparing your youngest to oldest or vice versa. (“I remember when your brother was a baby. We had him potty-trained in two weeks! Unfortunately, you took five months!”) But even these seemingly harmless little comparisons can have unforseen negative consequences. Namely, it can set the wheels of sibling rivalry in motion. When parents, relatives or even strangers compare our kids, there’s always ”a winner,” the better athlete, student, or all-around nice guy, and ”a loser,” the one who didn’t quite measure up. The winner will always feel as though he has one up on his sibling and will use it to his advantage every chance he gets. If the comparisons continue throughout their childhood the result is often bickering, fighting, and all around malcontent among siblings. Interestingly, research has shown that the closer in age the siblings are the more intense the rivalry can become.

Twin siblings, on the other hand, are the same age so the comparisons between the two are more magnified, more intense, as they’re often at the same developmental level, and are frequently involved in the same activities or studying the same subjects in school. In our case, my fraternal twin sons have the exact same subjects–including Spanish–and are in three classes together. Talk about head-to-head comparisons! (On a side note–identical twins fare better in this match up and are less rivalrous on the whole.)

Having my sons scholastically so parallel wasn’t by design or choice and makes a perfect excuse for my comparing them, but I should know better. I shouldn’t do it. But in this situation, I couldn’t help myself, especially after his cotwin got a better grade on the Spanish exam for his extra effort. (See? There I go again! Somebody stop me!) Thankfully, my twins aren’t aware of my occasional comparisons as I keep my observations all to myself.

Well, with the exception of that darn Spanish test.

* * *

For more information, read When Twins Don’t Get Along: Calming a Twin Rivalry or A Quest for Independence: When Twins Enter Middle School from my website, Talk About Twins. 

Although the photo that I ultimately did choose includes all three of my boys, it could also be a metaphor for the way that many singletons feel about their position in a family with multiples. If you look carefully at the photo taken more than six years ago when we were adding an addition on to our home, you’ll notice that the body language of my twins is very open while my singleton is sitting off to the side curled up in a ball as if isolating himself.

Now before you go and start feeling all sorry for him, or worse, start questioning how your own singleton relates to your twins or triplets, let me assure you that my son isn’t suffering (and yours is probably doing just fine, too). My youngest son is in no way an outsider to the family. Although born without a cotwin, he is very much a part of each of our lives and even an integral part of the twin dyad. He’s outspoken, refusing to take a backseat to his celebrity-status brothers, and funny to a fault. Unfortunately, I also wonder if he is all of these things simply because he was born after his twin brothers. I have often thought that my youngest is assertive because he’s felt the need to be. He had to be louder in order to get the attention, to be heard above the noise of the twinship. And I wonder, would he have been someone else entirely–say, serious and studious–if he were first-born or born a singleton among two other singletons rather than twins? Is he outgoing and the class clown simply because of his family status?

I’ll never know.

For some singletons,  it’s not always easy to be the sibling to twins or even triplets. They either compete (like my son) or choose to not to and simply withdraw. For instance, years ago when I was interviewing families for my book, Parenting School-Age Twins and Multiples, one mom told me that their situation got so bad that her youngest singleton used to bring a book when the family all went out to dinner and would sit at the other end of the table and read in spite of the mom trying to draw her into the conversation. Obviously that’s an extreme example. But another mom told me that her singleton daughter confided in her, “You have Dad, and the twins have each other. I have no one.”

Yikes!

So does this mean that if you have twins and you’re expecting a singleton that he or she will be a family outcast? Hardly. But there are a few rules for the road if you’re the parent of multiples with a single-born child on the way that will help keep harmony within your clan.

1. Focus on the whole family, not just the twins. Seems obvious, right? But it’s the little things that we do such as dressing our twins alike, wearing the “Proud Mom of Twins” T-shirt, signing Christmas cards, “John, Mary, Michael and the twins,” or introducing your kids with “These are my twins and this is my daughter,” that sends the message of separation rather than inclusion. In other words, don’t make a distinction between your twins and your single-born children. Think “inclusion” not “exclusion.”
2. Tune into your singleton’s feelings. For example, I’m guarded about how much I talk about my work. I make a living writing about twins but I don’t want my livelihood coming at the expense of my youngest. I want him to feel on equal footing to his twin brothers. Therefore, when I’m working on a twin-related article, I often close my computer screen when my youngest approaches my desk to ask a question.
3. Intervene in public. This is a biggie. When people approach you to ask about your twins (which as we all know happens often), have a “script” ready, one that deflects some of the attention away from your twins and draws it towards your singletons. For instance, when someone asks, “Are they twins?” include all your kids in your answer, “Yes. These are all my children.”
4. Intervene at family gatherings. Politely steer the conversation away from too much talk about “the twins” and point out your singleton’s accomplishments as well. Grandma and Grandpa sometimes don’t realize that their compliments and pride of being the grandparents of twins can sometimes come at the expense of the other grandchildren.
5. Just as you carve out alone time for each twin, find the time to take your single-born child out by himself, too. Every child wants to be seen as special by Mom or Dad.
6. Mix things up to foster relationships between each twin and their single-born siblings. For instance, swap roommates among all siblings instead of automatically having the twins room together. Regularly take one twin out with your singleton so that they may build a strong relationship with him or her, too.

* * *

For more articles on twins in school, check out the School-Age Twins page on my website, Talk About Twins.

Good question, indeed.

Most veteran parents of  twins will answer, “It doesn’t get easier. It just changes.” I agree, somewhat. As the mother to 15-year-old twins, I think it’s more like a roller coaster, with each stage having its ups and downs. But really it all boils down to you and what you can handle. For instance, are you immune to the chorus of two newborns crying at once or are you better at turning a deaf ear to toddlers tantrumming in tandem? Or, do you have the fortitude and the tenacity for dealing with school administrators who may not see your side of the classroom placement debate?

If you break it down, the first month with newborn twins has got to be the most difficult, especially for first-time parents. Talk about a baptism by fire!  Not only is it emotionally difficult (think of all those postpartum hormones wreaking havoc) but physically challenging, too (think sleep deprivation). One newborn is demanding enough but two little babies (or more) who may have different temperaments can be exhausting and put any parent’s patience to the test. Yet within a few months, once you get the hang of breastfeeding or bottle feeding two at once, or feel like a human again once both babies begin to sleep through the night, you do hit a “sweet spot.” And then you’re rewarded for a short time with all the ”firsts.” First smile, first laugh, first time rolling over.

And then it changes.

During the toddler years, your twins are off and running. In opposite directions. Always. You can’t possibly keep up with their energy. You can’t keep them clean. You can’t keep them in their cribs. Or in their beds. Your once pristine home becomes a battleground of toys. And those curious toddler twins enjoy banding together causing mayhem in your home or sometimes, sadly, in someone else’s.

Oh, the stories I’ve heard. One mom told me her toddler twins dumped several buckets of water in her walk-in closet. They wanted to make a swimming pool. The damage to her wood floor was in the thousands! Another mom’s twins locked her out of the house during a snowstorm. She was barefoot.

Still, the toddler years have their moments of bliss, too, like the day they’re finally potty trained. (Who would have thought that peeing in a toilet would bring such joy?)  Nighttime is a bit easier too as a tired toddler can sleep ten hours, easily. Plus, they can actually feed themselves! They say, “I love you,” willingly and often. But the biggest reward during the toddler years comes by just stepping back and observing their lust for life. Their curiosity is insatiable as well as infectious. And so is their laughter.

And then it changes.

Welcome to the school years. Yes, your twins are gone for an entire day and your double daycare bills are a thing of the past. (What will you do with all the money you’re saving??) Or, if you stayed home with them, you’re now free to rediscover or reinvent yourself, not to mention shower. Maybe you can go back to school or start a new business. The sky’s the limit! It’s exhilarating! Ah, the freedom!

But hold on a minute. Although the school years can be a great time of life, educating multiples in a system designed for singletons can be challenging for some parents. Not only do you have to decide from year to year about classroom placement for your twins but you may also have to convince your school district that you’ve made the right choice. And what happens if one twin struggles either scholastically or socially while the other becomes an über student who makes friends easily? (For more information on how to navigate the school years, check out the articles on the School-Age Twins page on my website, Talk About Twins, or check out this blog post.)

For me, those early school years were exhausting. I remember dealing with pure “homework hell.” Both my boys needed lots of help during the primary grades to complete their reports–the mission report in fourth, the state report in fifth and then the country report in sixth. Bad enough trying to help one boy navigate through the writing process–how to find legitimate sources, how to take notes, how to organize the material, how to avoid plagiarizing–but two at once? Where’s my Tylenol?

But then it mellowed.

We’re in a period of family life now that I like to call the “Golden Age.” At 15-years-old, my fraternal twin boys are super students who can organize their time well and get their work done. (Good thing because I couldn’t possibly help them with their math now!) They’re potty trained, tantrum-free, and when they run off in opposite directions, I consider that a good thing. They’re too young to drive so that whole drinking-driving-texting thing hasn’t reared its ugly head…yet. Yes, they roll their eyes on occasion or back talk when they think we’re being “unfair,” but for the most part, they’re funny, intelligent kids. I like being around them. I know this may not last forever but for now, I’m lovin’ it. 

So, in answer to the question, yes, Virginia, it does get easier.

What do you think?

Huh? Do identical twins really have more fun than fraternal?

As the mother of fraternal twin boys, it never occurred to me that my sons’ identical brethren were having more fun. In fact, I’ve always thought the exact opposite. As fraternal twins, you can have your cake and eat it too, as it were. You have all the advantages of twinship–a close, life-long bond and friendship–but none of the annoyances that identical twins must endure throughout their lives–those inquisitive stares from strangers as you pass by and the barrage of annoying questions like, “Can you feel each other’s pain?” or “Can you read each other’s minds?” But the article claims that identical twins get to wear matching outfits, win more roles in TV and film (both twins can play the same role thereby circumventing strict labor laws), and are courted by scientists for research studies. Fraternal twins, on the other hand? Not so much.

I’m still not convinced.

First of all, let’s consider the source of the information. The reporter is gathering her quotes of despair at a twins festival, a mecca for multiples who seek attention and want to be recognized for being a twin. Come to any public school or park and interview the twins there, on the other hand, and you just might get a very different take.

Or, maybe it’s just my family as we’ve never been comfortable in dressing our twins alike. Nor have we ever thought it was a good idea to push them to audition for TV shows or commercials. (Please! Have you seen what Hollywood does to child actors?) Being the test subjects for scientific experiments, however, does sound like a good time to my two computer nerds. But there are a few studies out there that want to probe into the lives of fraternal twins as well. Just not nearly as many.

Yet if you really want to push the issue and make the distinction as to who has more fun, I’d have to say that opposite-sex twins win, hands down. Think about it. Their level of rivalry is minimal from birth as boys and girls are usually drawn to different sports and after-school activities. Furthermore, when it comes to friendships, opposite-sex twins have far fewer friends in common than both same-sex identical or fraternal twins. In other words, opposite-sex twins rarely have to share a best friend and the conflicts a triangle like that can sometimes create.

And talk about fun! Who has it better in high school than boy-girl twins? Not only is their dating pool a large one as each twin can casually scope out their cotwin’s friends and acquaintances often in the privacy of their own home but research shows that most boy-girl twins learn to be comfortable around the opposite sex sooner than their single-born counterparts (and probably sooner than same-sex twins, too).

Fraternal or identical. It sounds like fun all the way around to me.

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For more informative articles on twins in school, see the school-age twins page on my website, Talk About Twins.